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heart + stomach
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Not sure whether the doctor's again is a good idea. 
7th-Jun-2007 03:46 pm
heart + stomach
Happy Birthday Ro

I think a lot - most - of what's going on with me is stress. From an increased fall back into 'being' states that include RPing and writing, from the headaches, to the fact that I had two panic attacks yesterday, and Bing managed to talk me down from another one before I went to bed.

Stress is of course PhD related. And money related. I need to check some things but I'm not sure I'm going to have funding next year, which means having to get a job, which means no longer working full time on my PhD which means oh god am I going to finish?. As I said, Bing talked me down, and pointed out that yes, if I want to finish I will finish and it's all OK, and the money's going to come from somewhere.

Case in point: I have savings. And the InnerRents are never averse to lending me money, so yes. I think I should stop with the CAT, though. Luckily I only have four sessions left. And possibly also the gym: I don't go enough.
*deep breath* Guess I'm not getting a permanent account next week. Guess also my journals will all stop being paid. Don't worry, I'd never let this one go sponsored.
And if I lent any of you money? I might ask for it back.
And I've paid for D*C registration but not flights. I don't know what to do about that.

Anyway, so today I'm doing better - I done work, in fact, which is nice. And I'm confident I'll sort something out, I hope.

But I am still getting headaches, albeit not as bad as the ones pre-period. And I'm drinking more than I usually do. And peeing regularly.

It's possible this is a distraction activity, linked again to my possible ADD. Which I really have to talk to the therapist about, even if she's CAT, which is about behaviour. OR it's possible SB is right and I might have something more long term.

But right now I'm assuming it's stress.

So how are you?
7th-Jun-2007 03:45 pm (UTC)
::hugs:: I know how that is: the stress, the panic, the money worries.

I am ace, by the way; I had a great send-off from the UK (why is the best curry always in places I'll never find on my own? though this one's near Victoria!) and so far my time with my parents seems to involve going out to lunch with people who are excited to see me. It's fun to be a visiting dignitary.
7th-Jun-2007 04:00 pm (UTC)
How am I? Am supposedly busy, am offering you a light hug, am telling you to say hi to Jenny when you see her (even though we've never met ourselves), and am aiding and abetting the lack of sleep of a Weaves.
7th-Jun-2007 04:22 pm (UTC)
The Creation Museum are hiring. Some of their requirements are a bit skewed- their barista must have a "passion for God", but it doesn't mention their coffee-making skills. The bookshop clerk needs to be a "consistent witness for Jesus Christ". I didn't know he was up before the beak. Or maybe they're worried he'll go awol again?

The people who float through life are like swans. Able to break your arm with their wing. Serene on the surface but flailing madly underneath. Some people don't show it some do. Anyway the PhD thing? As long as you still want it you'll find a way. You might take longer to do it than you hoped, six rather than five years f'rinstance. It doesn't matter that much. If you need to you could take a part time job as a learning bod, and supplement your savings. (Plus it'll give you experience in dealing with the public- something increasingly important to scientists as y'know.)
7th-Jun-2007 05:41 pm (UTC)
I am still feeling like I want to punch a random person in the face. Slightly depressed, slightly stressed, and can't find the reason for it. Am assuming it's probably my hormones (drat you, hormones. Drat you, patch! Just WORK.), or my own emotional disorders.

But. I am not under outside stress that I can't handle, so is not too bad.

And yes! I agree with the Bingster. Money will come from somewhere. And you'll do it. Cause you're awesome like that.

Water might just be because your body needs more liquid? I know I'm always in a state of near-dehydration (I hardly drink anything at all), so I just get thirsty sometimes and start drinking lots of water. And drinking more water does, yes, mean that you pee more often.
7th-Jun-2007 06:02 pm (UTC)

So how are you?

My stress and depression pretty much bleed together - it's hard to tell one from the other. I've stopped sleeping again, which I haven't done in a long time now, so my insomnia may be back. Oh joy! I've started having stray thoughts about the failed transplant, which I thought I was over, pop up at random for the last few days. But overall, I guess I'm doing alright.

Or was that a rhetorical question?
7th-Jun-2007 09:18 pm (UTC)
The permanent accounts are going on sale as of next week?! ::flaps about in indecision::
8th-Jun-2007 12:05 am (UTC)
Money is always a problem, but possibly losing funding during a course? That's a bit sucky; hope the things you check turn out more positive.

How'm I? No job, no income, no plan of action, nothing from the agencies. Happy.

Weird how much difference moving up here has made to my general sense of life being worth it; not just for the obvious one either.
8th-Jun-2007 02:00 am (UTC) - D*C = DragonCon, yes?

You could save money by sharing a hotel room with me and my sister and possibly several deranged girls from Virginia. I can also offer the services of a car.
8th-Jun-2007 06:22 am (UTC) - Re: D*C = DragonCon, yes?
Actually, I already am committed to a room with my roommates.

The problem is the £600 airfare.
(Deleted comment)
8th-Jun-2007 03:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks, babe.

I feel bad about that moeny, because it got lost, and my procrastination is partly why.
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