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Rants I won't write 
11th-Jul-2007 12:08 pm
full of shit
I am light headed. If steely_glint has given me the Bad AIDS, Bing's going to be very upset at him. There may be transatlantic murder.

Anyway, I realise I announced my return from Hiatus and then didn't post, but I suck like that. Also, not a lot to say. Chicago next week!

Last night we went to see The Johnny Storm Show Rise of the Silver Surfer, supertitled "4", because clearly attaching the word "Fantastic" to that movie would get them in trouble with the trading standards commission.

It's really only truly awful if you have a science A-level. Or have ever talked to someone with a science A-Level. Or like to know what the hell is going on at any point. And I don't just mean it's a confusing plot. I mean they never tell you. I can't make up my mind whether this is better or worse than the usual Heroes-esque pretending the science makes sense.

Anyhoo, so yes. Apart from Johnny Storm, it's kind of crappy. Very crappy. And I can't bring myself to care enough to be offended by Susan Storm's prioritising her wedding over saving the world. No indeedy, Jessica Alba trying to pass as a blonde as not the most offensive thing on that screen.

And neither, surprisingly enough, was the Mail on Sunday advert, which never fails to make me incredibly angry every time I see it, and I can only be soothed by the assurance that I'm not the target audience, and therefore should just sit back and mock the chavs.

Nope. The most offensive thing I saw last night was a trailer for Evan Almighty, the sequel to that godawful Jim Carrey film of a very similar name, in which some guy is given God-like powers. But in this one, Steve Carell plays some guy appointed by God as the new Noah.

That's right. It's a wacky fun comedy about global genocide. I can't even begin. I don't think I want to. I  mean, here is the difference between me and other people: I can't find this shit funny. At all.

Bollocks to it, say I. I'm going to just pretend no one finds it funny, and be over here, playing with dinosaurs.
11th-Jul-2007 11:18 am (UTC)
that godawful Jim Carrey film of a very similar name, in which some guy is appointed by God as the new Noah. That's right. It's a wacky fun comedy about global genocide Say what, now?
11th-Jul-2007 11:21 am (UTC)

It's a comedy. About God. And some guy. And the guy has to build an ark, for two of each species of animal.

Cause God's going to kill everyone with a giant flood.
11th-Jul-2007 11:35 am (UTC)
Steve Carell doing his same schtick and Morgan Freeman reprising his role as Magical Negro? What's not to like?
11th-Jul-2007 11:37 am (UTC)
Well, that.
11th-Jul-2007 11:38 am (UTC)
...There's going to be a sequel to that horseshit?
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11th-Jul-2007 12:19 pm (UTC)
deep breaths. Deep cleansing breaths.

It's not about you, it's about chavs. People who read the Mail on Sunday.
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11th-Jul-2007 12:15 pm (UTC)
I hate that advert. Every time it's on TV at home I go "but-- but-- what?"

One of the many reasons I don't watch TV.
11th-Jul-2007 12:19 pm (UTC)
It's on TV?

Man, that's somehow worse
11th-Jul-2007 12:34 pm (UTC)
Holy crap it's not just me.

What a fucking terrible premise. God, that magical invisible friend 70% of us believe is watching over us, has gone back on his promise and decided to kill everyone... except this guy from The Office whose life was just ruined and a snide local-news camera crew that happened to be nearby. Also we gave away the entire plot and the only moderately-funny jokes (animals are HILARIOUS) in the trailer. Nyuk nyuk nyuk!

Don't worry; just like Click and Bruce Almighty, I'm sure they will ruin it further by turning the entire last half of the movie into a deep moral lesson.
11th-Jul-2007 01:51 pm (UTC)
Oh, jeez... I didn't even want to get into the theological implications of the first Covenant being broken. That YWH! Such a kidder!
11th-Jul-2007 02:23 pm (UTC)
I mean, here is the difference between me and other people: I can't find this shit funny. At all.

Not the difference between you and...anyone I've discussed this movie with, including myself. Or the majority of reviewers I've seen talking about it.

*has been mostly trying to pretend this movie doesn't exist during its US ad campaign, but is now getting vindictive pleasure out of reading about how bad it's flopping*
11th-Jul-2007 02:39 pm (UTC)
Actually Evan Almighty is a long winded diatribe about the evils of a corrupt government. And if you actually know how the government works, the entire thing is funyn because of how wrong it is.
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11th-Jul-2007 05:01 pm (UTC)
See, I actually kinda liked Bruce Almighty.

I mean, let's face it... a man is given the power of God for a week, of course he abuses it at first. Hell, I'd have done more with it.

Get back at people who pissed me off? Check.
Make girlfriend's tits bigger? Check.
Fuck with co-worker who is being promoted over me? Check.

Yeah, it got preachy. But it wasn't a bad movie.

Plus, I liked Morgan Freeman as God. He's a pretty damn good actor to begin with.
12th-Jul-2007 07:05 am (UTC)
Oh the reason I don't think I'd like Bruce Almighty is because I don't get on with that kind of humour. But it looks harmless and I have nothing against it.

But then, it isn't about genocide.
12th-Jul-2007 12:22 am (UTC)
It's a wacky fun comedy about global genocide.

It's not, actually. And more would be spoilers and I'm not going to do that without permission, but it's...not.

It has theological problems to say the least, and I'm not saying what it is is either good or particularly funny.

But that's not what the movie is about.
12th-Jul-2007 07:13 am (UTC)
I'm not going to see it, so I don't care about spoilers.

But it's based on a certain very well known story.

That story is about genocide.

I don't think it's material for a comedy.
12th-Jul-2007 01:54 am (UTC) - Don't get me started ...
Actually, I think "a wacky fun comedy about global genocide" isn't too far off from being a pretty good description of the Old Testament in general.
12th-Jul-2007 07:14 am (UTC)
Well, it's more 'whack-y' fun than wacky fun. Like Conan.
12th-Jul-2007 12:07 pm (UTC)
Look, it was better than Spiderman 3 dammit. By a country mile. You could have used your powers of research to find out about it and say no. I didn't actually say it was going to be good did I?

Besides I'd had a bad day at work and needed to see a stupid film. I'd have gone anyway. Besides I'm still giggling about the ocean-freezing volcanoes.
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