And not antidote, as first typed.
This is what it's like to be me:
Out of fear of missing my plane, as has happened with the Eurostar and once very nearly happened going to Tokyo, I arrived at the airport 5 hours before my flight and had to wait an hour before my check-in desk was even announced.
In the queue for check-in, there were people going around looking for volunteers to be put on a flight tomorrow instead. These volunteers, the recruiters explained, would be put up in a hotel over night, their connecting flights would be arranged, meals sorted out and then they'd get a $1,000 travel voucher or e600 (£400).
So, why, you ask, does my location read Gatwick Airport?
Well, because I decided it wasn't worth contacting Gareth and Bing and telling them I'd be coming a day late. It wasn't worth missing a day of my holiday and it wasn't worth the hassle of once again having to hike to the airport and worry and stress about transport or check in or missing my plane. Quite frankly, I'm stressed enough as it is. But most pressingly to me, I didn't want to change Gar and Bing's plans.
And then, having checked in and queuing for the baggage drop, I started to worry if I'd done the right thing. If Bing would be
mad confused at me for why I didn't take the money and run, and that she'd say I took the wrong choice.
FTR, Bing's not the kind of person to be like that. Doesn't mean I didn't worry. And stress, and work myself up to nausea again out of anxiety about whether I made the right decision. This, the therapist says, is because I'm a compulsive care-giver. She uses long words like this.
But understand, I opted to maintain the status quo not because I thought it was the best choice but because it was secure, safer for my mental well being. I would have regretted the option just as much had I taken the money and lost a day of holiday.
The only ONLY thing that was keeping me from getting really bad was the fact that while I was standing there I was composing this LJ entry. Emotional objectivity: it's how I get through my life.
Then the InnerDad phoned up to say bon voyage and I talked to him and stopped being anxious.
This, gentle reader, happens to me daily. It's par for course in the life of me. So that's why I felt it had to be journaled.