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heart + stomach
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Indications of the state of me. 
30th-Jul-2007 09:24 am

I can tell concern for a family member has gotten mixed up with talk about a certain book, because my dreams last night were shaken up with nightmares about worry about my cousin Fred, who had been tortured by Death Eaters*

Then I came into work, settled down and thought "right, enough thesis writing, I should work out where I am research wise".

Aaaaand had a panic attack. Shit.

I'd gone to bed mourning the loss of a friendship. One that on Friday I had occasion to realise I didn't miss anymore.Oh well. This is minor compared to other worries, and it's good to have perspective.

*My dreamscape contains no spoilers for any book or movie, just so's you know.

30th-Jul-2007 09:16 am (UTC) - Random me again
I posted a few photos from Friday night here (f-locked).
(Deleted comment)
30th-Jul-2007 10:46 am (UTC)
I do miss it, but I'm not sure what it is I miss.

The thing is, the 'incident' on Friday awakened two thoughts: It reminded me of a similar night, when it was I realised I no longer had that friendship to support me where I thought I needed it. And there I was made bitter.
But my reaction Friday night also affirmed that I didn't need the support I had wanted from the friend, and I didn't need to have been so upset when I realised the friendship wasn't there to catch me.

Yesterday was relatively trivial, and wouldn't have made me angsty if I hadn't already been worried about my cousin and my work and all the things I worry about these days.
30th-Jul-2007 06:02 pm (UTC)
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