I went to the doctor today, and he confirmed that, yes indeed, it is a mutant hand.
We had a long talk about possibilities and options, and the different sort of mutation it could be. It turns out that because it was a full moon last night and I didn't erupt, we can rule out lycanthropy, which was my only hope for a mammalian aspect. We talked for a while about tentacles, but really, he thinks I'm looking at dinosaur claws.
Now, given the endothermic nature of this mutation, combined with my scores on IQ
, the Kinsey Scale
, and garment spectroscopy
, and other lifestyle choices
, this means I have a ridiculously high chance of going evil if this mutation isn't removed. And neither my doctor or I want to risk that, so it looks like it's going to have to come off.
My entire right hand. Amputated.
It's a big thing to take.
Hand transplants are available on the NHS, but because I'm such a high risk of evil, it's almost certain any hand I get would be an Evil Hand, and I therefore don't qualify. Similarly, I don't qualify for subsidiaries for a robot hand, due to not being in law enforcement or, contrarily, a violent criminal the government wish to rehabilitate.
So, it looks like my only option is a hook hand. The advantages to this, of course, is that not only can I get one for free on the NHS, but also that if the InnerRents give me some money (and I'm sure they will), I can get a designer hook fitting
with interchangeable hooks (I can't find a picture of my favourite, but let's just say it could be very useful). Also, if I contract something in my leg in the next five years, there are matching pegs available, which I'd get a discount on.
The disadvantage is that I'll have to learn to use my mouse left handed. And I'll probably never be able to sew again.
I can't believe this is happening to me, guys.
(Actually, it's stress related eczema and he gave me a cream, but wouldn't it be cool?