I love how judgemental my nurse is. She's not bigoted or prejudiced or anything, but she's so sensible I want to keep her.
Last week when I did my initial appointment, there was all the initial questions like:
Which of these run in your family? Lots of things run in my family. Practically all those little boxes that you tick run in my family. Even twins, which the NHS sign in sheet seems to think is a disease. Do you smoke? Nope Have you ever smoked? Not unless you count less than five joints ever. How often do you exercise Once a week. Intense aerobics. How much do you drink *shifty* Uh... about ten a week? Five of which happens in one night.
That's when she looked at me in a look very similar to that the InnerMum would give me when I said "yes please, InnerDad, I would love another glass of whiskey. Mum and I have finished the wine already", or when she caught me playing Civ II when I should have been revising for my GCSEs. Then I got a lecture on how much damage I was doing to my kidneys.
"But I don't smoke," I tried to say plaintively, but she wasn't having any of it.
Anyway, I got the same judgemental look today at my smear test when she asked me what birth control I used, and I said 'none'. I don't! I'm allergic to rubber, oestrogen could give me a stroke and a history of depression means Depo was hell of earth. But she still gave me that maternal you have to use something look.
Eventually, as if it had just occurred to her it might not be the case, "Are you sexually active?"
"Not really," I said. "I'm gay and my partner lives in America."
Then I had to listen to how hard long distance relationships are (as if I didn't already know) while she prodded around my nethers. Which was nice.
Next time someone asks me what birth control I'm on, I'm telling them 'lesbianism.'
Advancing the Sum Total of Human Knowledge and Endeavour catalogues one woman's attempt to understand the world by understanding the stories that are told, by journalists, politicians, scientists, and, occasionally writers of official 'fiction'.
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