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Sweeney Todd 
6th-Feb-2008 01:08 am
OK, now i just think Tim Burton's showing off.

Hi, he says, I'm Tim Burton,

You may remember me from such cinematic masterpieces as the two original Batman movies, Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands. I was Hollywood's strange and disturbing genius, but I've now grown up to be an artist, rich and successful and married to an actress with really good breasts. I can do anything I want: I can get away with using shoddy CGI because it looks edgy and eccentric, like the stop motion animation in which I made my name.

I can hire one of the most versatile actors working in movies today, and I can have him simply recycle two of his most famous roles in the look and voice separately, because when he  - and my wife, who has great breasts - are on screen, I can manipulate him just like one of my stop motion animations. And you can tell, just from the way they're framed in shot, from the saturation and the makeup, that I, Tim Burton, directed this picture. Because I'm that amazing.

Would you like a close up of my wife's breasts? I've fondled them.

I rock so hard that big name stars are queuing up to be in my movies - like Tony Head! Say hi, Tony! - and I can get away with cheap yet classic tricks like the painted backdrop and the obvious studio set because I'm making a well-known musical but I'm going to stamp my identity onto every single frame because I'm Tim Burton and everyone loved Batman. And this time, no one can complain about my gratuitous 'character exploring' flashbacks because they're right there in the source material.

Have you forgiven me for Planet of the Apes, yet? No? Well, here's a close up of Alan Rickman's crotch. And Ali G's, for good measure.

OK, time for more shots of my wife in a corset.

(Ha ha, I'm getting paid vast sums of money for this.)


P.S. Does anyone know why Danny isn't returning my calls?
6th-Feb-2008 01:15 am (UTC)
You forgot to mention that Mr. Depp is also his best friend. But... fantastic breasts you say? Perhaps I shall go investigate this film.
6th-Feb-2008 01:16 am (UTC)
Heh. This makes me even more dubious about seeing that movie.

After it was on this ice already, too.
6th-Feb-2008 08:46 am (UTC)
Shame though. I actually loved the movie.
6th-Feb-2008 01:31 am (UTC)
Ha! I thought that, too. It was so clearly TIM BURTON'S Sweeney Todd. I still enjoyed it because I enjoy the source material, and because the actors were good, even if they are clearly TIM BURTON'S FAVORITE PPL EVAR! But yeah.
6th-Feb-2008 03:45 am (UTC)
Word. The movie very clearly took place in BURTONLAND!!!! (Like Disneyland, but with more blood and corset tops!) To the point where Johanna was basically Christina Ricci from Sleepy Hollow, except creepier.
6th-Feb-2008 11:16 am (UTC)
Aha! I knew the look was bugging me for some reason. I put it down to an annoyingly bad wig (and I always hated the Johanna character) but that's why.
6th-Feb-2008 08:44 am (UTC)
I enjoyed it because I fecking love Tim Burton.

- probably should've mentioned that, huh?
6th-Feb-2008 09:28 am (UTC)
Oh, me too. I'm a shameless Hot Topic-shopping mall goth. When I heard that Tim Burton was going to do Sweeney Todd, I went :D! But I remember coming out of the theater and making the comment "... yep, that was a Tim Burton movie all right!"
6th-Feb-2008 09:28 am (UTC)
... and that was me. Thanks, LJ.
6th-Feb-2008 01:32 am (UTC)
Pity Depp can't sing either. And just because it's a musical doesn't mean you can get away with the kid from Oliver!

It could have been worse- they could have all sounded like Dick Van Dyke.
(Deleted comment)
6th-Feb-2008 08:48 am (UTC)
And Sasha Baron Cohen as well. Holy crap that thing was huge!
6th-Feb-2008 02:24 am (UTC)
I rock so hard that big name stars are queuing up to be in my movies and I can cut most of their scenes without them or the producers complaining.

But seriously, ahahaha this made me laugh so hard. She really did have amazing breasts.
6th-Feb-2008 02:34 am (UTC)
OK, that's one vote against.

We liked it, though I will admit that I Am Legend has stayed in my memory a lot longer despite being a weaker film.
6th-Feb-2008 08:49 am (UTC)
Actually, I really enjoyed it >_>
6th-Feb-2008 03:02 pm (UTC)
As did I- no film is perfect, and this isn't the best Tim Burton film (TM) ever. But its probably the best thing in the cinemas right now.
6th-Feb-2008 04:53 am (UTC)
It's at least nice to see a director go into making a movie knowing exactly what he wants and exactly how to get it? (Helena was pregnant under those corsets. ... And I think they're actually just still engaged.)

Tony Head was in it because he was going to be in a 'ghost chorus' singing The Ballad of Sweeney Todd as connective tissue with several other singers, but unfortunately during filming Depp's little girl developed a blood infection and a lot of things got cut so he could go and deal with that.

But WORD on Johanna, holy crap. She's like Katrina, Kim, Lydia, Crazy Van Tassel Lady, Sally, Victoria, and Emily all rolled into one. I saw her and my immediate reaction was "Did Burton have her made?"

On the whole, I liked it-- I'd've changed a few things, starting with Mrs Lovett's costumes and the unusually high number of leather coats and not forgetting telling Helena Bonham Carter to knock her tempo down a notch or two so she's got time to sing her jokes-- it was the first musical I went to go see without having any idea of the plot or music, and it made a good impression. (That and I've seen Sleepy Hollow, so I sorta knew what to expect from the look of the thing.) I was a little disappointed that Depp was doing his Captain Jack voice... but I've also seen From Hell, so I know Depp can't do an accent to save his life and Captain Jack's the closest he's got.

The best part about the opening titles, however, were the rats. They were adorable. The concept was interesting, but that was the reddest mercury I've ever seen.
6th-Feb-2008 08:52 am (UTC)
It's at least nice to see a director go into making a movie knowing exactly what he wants and exactly how to get it?

6th-Feb-2008 10:50 am (UTC)
And they were nice breasts, too!
6th-Feb-2008 03:44 pm (UTC)
"he says: My wife has fantastic boobies"

Well, why not, I say that all the time! ^_~
7th-Feb-2008 10:44 am (UTC)
I say it as well!Only, y'know, girlfriend, not wife.
7th-Feb-2008 10:35 am (UTC)
Hee! Yup, it was the cheesiest pile of derivative (all derived from his other movies, of course) pretty ever. . . but was it ever PRETTY! And I loved every second. Aside from where I had to hide when Todd was slitting throats. No, really. It is the only thing I am squeamish about.

Here, have an NBC icon!
7th-Feb-2008 10:43 am (UTC)

I just want an icon of the last(ish) scene, with all the red. Oh oh oh!
7th-Feb-2008 10:54 am (UTC)
I am going to make plushies. Or, dolls of some kind anyway. SWEENEY TODD INNA (stripy!) BATHING SUIT FTW.
7th-Feb-2008 08:23 pm (UTC)
well, at least it does have THE BREASTS going for it.
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