?

Log in

No account? Create an account
heart + stomach
Innerbrat
Advancing the sum total of human knowledge and endeavour!
Sweeney Todd 
6th-Feb-2008 01:08 am
1602
OK, now i just think Tim Burton's showing off.

Hi, he says, I'm Tim Burton,

You may remember me from such cinematic masterpieces as the two original Batman movies, Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands. I was Hollywood's strange and disturbing genius, but I've now grown up to be an artist, rich and successful and married to an actress with really good breasts. I can do anything I want: I can get away with using shoddy CGI because it looks edgy and eccentric, like the stop motion animation in which I made my name.

I can hire one of the most versatile actors working in movies today, and I can have him simply recycle two of his most famous roles in the look and voice separately, because when he  - and my wife, who has great breasts - are on screen, I can manipulate him just like one of my stop motion animations. And you can tell, just from the way they're framed in shot, from the saturation and the makeup, that I, Tim Burton, directed this picture. Because I'm that amazing.

Would you like a close up of my wife's breasts? I've fondled them.

I rock so hard that big name stars are queuing up to be in my movies - like Tony Head! Say hi, Tony! - and I can get away with cheap yet classic tricks like the painted backdrop and the obvious studio set because I'm making a well-known musical but I'm going to stamp my identity onto every single frame because I'm Tim Burton and everyone loved Batman. And this time, no one can complain about my gratuitous 'character exploring' flashbacks because they're right there in the source material.

Have you forgiven me for Planet of the Apes, yet? No? Well, here's a close up of Alan Rickman's crotch. And Ali G's, for good measure.

OK, time for more shots of my wife in a corset.

(Ha ha, I'm getting paid vast sums of money for this.)

Yours,
Tim


P.S. Does anyone know why Danny isn't returning my calls?
Opinions 
6th-Feb-2008 01:32 am (UTC)
Pity Depp can't sing either. And just because it's a musical doesn't mean you can get away with the kid from Oliver!

It could have been worse- they could have all sounded like Dick Van Dyke.
(Deleted comment)
6th-Feb-2008 08:48 am (UTC)
And Sasha Baron Cohen as well. Holy crap that thing was huge!
This page was loaded Sep 18th 2018, 1:52 pm GMT.