Yesterday was my last official day as a resident student at the NHM - I'd always hope I'd leave when I submitted, but then my brain happened and I just took too long and now the space is better allocated to students who are actually going to get PhDs in reasonable amount of time.
So, yeah, there's a feeling of failure attached to that. Luckily any of these negative emotions I get these days are usually successfully offset by how much I love the jobs I actually get paid to do.
So I'm at home today, and I should be trying to set up a system in which I can work on the thesis from home; I've worked at home before, I can do it again. The trouble is, my laptop - the five year old laptop on which I've dona all my work, and while it is backed up, it hasn't been backed up for a couple of months - will not start and I have not the slightest idea why. The BSoD I'm getting says something about new hardware or software and... I have nothing new on there. So I'm running a registry scan and a virus scan in safe mode while I work out what other errands need to be run, sort out my books and notes and all the other things that need to be done but which make me anxious because they're not my work.
Oh, and I'm updating my journal. I needed the break, and I appreciated the break, but I miss blogging. And the thing is:
When I stop doing something because I've run out of spoons (for an explanation of what I personally mean by spoons, see this post
), then it'[s fine and I do well at using my focus spoons for the things I intended to, and it's good. Then, occasionally, I find myself with a spare spoon, and I'm fidling with it and hitting my legs with it and wondering what to do with it. And sometimes I don't do anything exciting with it. And sometimes those spare spoons build up and get wasted, and... I really miss blogging.
So I'm going to try and ease myself back in, hopefully finding a way to blog without losing anything from my actual work. I've found myself with a lot to say and no longer with the tools to say it. I can't be having with that.
So, uh. I'm back?