Saturday's Film offerings started with Horror Express
, which to the great shock and surprise of everyone with me, I had never yet seen. It's amusing to be the only one in a group of people who all share a cultural childhood I didn't. I spent my childhood reading Swallows and Amazons and Narnia, not watching classic horror, which is awesome, cause I get to watch them all now for the first time. Horror Express, for example, is an amazing film, and the experience of watching it for the first time on the big screen was one I wouldn't trade. Christopher Lee (about whom I am beginning to agree with strange_complex
; he was hot when young) and Peter Cushing play rival scientists who have to work together when one of Sir Christopher ("he dabbles in fossils and bones") specimens turns out to be an evil brain sucking monster. Telly Savalas was amazing, and any movie with the line "monsters?! We're British!" is a good movie.
After that greatness, there was no way The Giant Spider Invasion
would stand up to it. Fortunately, it didn't evn try, and landed straight into So Bad It's Good territory. The characters were unlikeable (with the exception of the jolly red sheriff), the scientists were unbelievably stupid, the young lady was inexplicably half dressed, and the giant spider itself was a masterpiece in pantomime horse technology.28 Days Later
is just as good now as I remember it; an excellent retelling of Day of the Triffids
with zombies. I had, though, forgotten what excellent characters were Selina and Hannah. Selina's storyline - jaded warrior find hope and love - is a little cliche, yes, but they told it so well in a movie that's really about hope, and it's so unusual to find a zombie movie about hope. And Hannah, oh, Hannah. It's nice to be reminded that Newt's legacy is alive in awesome, strong girl kid characters like her, even if she's so freaking rare.28 Weeks Later
, shown in a double bill with the first, is better than I remembered, but my major problem with it, shared independently by hasn't gone away. It is this: 28 Weeks Later could and I think should be location porn; a travelogue of empty location shots documenting the journey from the Isle of Dogs to Wembley, with some zombies added. Sadly, the filmmakers rejected the chance for location porn and just gave me landmark porn, so the journey included Westminster, Tower Bridge, and Piccadilly Circus in no particular order. It wasn't made for continuity, and that saddened me, because it could have been so good.
I was torn, incidentally, between staying for 28 Weeks and leaving the double bill for Mark of the Devil. I have been reliably informd that the latter was rubbish, so I'm glad I stayed.
I am not glad I stayed for the 'Midnight Screamer', and I lay the blame for having experienced that event entirely at miss_s_b's door. I use no hyperbole when I say that Birdemic is the worst film I have ever seen. The. Worst. Not even so bad it's good; this thing was so bad it was horrible. It's not the 45 minutes of badly told boy-meets-lingerie-model awfulness that preceded the bird attack. It's not the crap stock-footage bird animation. It's not just the troweled on Global Warming 'message' complete with utter bollocks pseudoscience. It's not even the crap acting and hackneyed script - it was the terrible editing; the inability to keep the audio and lighting consistent in one scene as they flick from shot to shot. It was quite simply a terrible terrible movie, and the director at the end didn't seem to understand how horrible it was.
If you like bad movies, don't see this. It'll ruin them all for you.
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